Kreative Kue 122 asked for submissions based on this photograph:
“Psst. Hey, mister.”
“W-what? Who said that?”
“You waiting to see the doc?”
“Are you talking to me?”
“Who else is in the room. Look around. No one here but us two.”
“Wait a minute. Cats can’t talk. Is this some kind of prank?”
“It would be called a punked. And no this is not that.”
“So what is it? Somebody throwing their voice?”
“No. See my lips moving. I’m really trying to talk to you.”
“So what do you want?”
“I’ll tell you what I don’t want.”
“The damn operation that’s what.”
“Man, you are real quick aren’t you?”
“No need to be rude.”
“Yeah, sorry. I’m using my cat brain and my human voice. Sometimes the two don’t work together right.”
“No problem. Let me ask again, what operation? You look fine to me.”
“Then why do they say I need to be fixed. I don’t feel broken.”
“Oh, I get it. You’re going to be neutered.”
“Neutered? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you won’t be able to sire more cats.”
“And how is this a good thing?”
“Well, for one thing, you won’t be bringing unwanted and perhaps abandoned kittens into the world.”
“I get that. What do I get out of this deal?”
“You won’t be fighting with other cats and will possibly live longer.”
“Okay, most of my fights are over romance. Are you saying there is no more romance?”
“Yup. All of that will be forgotten.”
“So they are going to fix my brain?”
“No. Just the things that cause your brain to go crazy at the sight of a female. Everything else remains the same.”
“So no fights and no romance and you say I may live longer.”
“That’s what they tell me.”
“Maybe it just seems like you live longer with all that boredom.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You been fixed?”
“More or less son. More or less.”
My effort was:
What are you looking at, cat?
You think you’re so good, don’t you? You’ve subjugated the two dogs, but you won’t get me. What was it? The claws? The hissing threat? Or was it just that implacable, unrelenting, cold-hearted stare of yours? Oh, I know your trick; in my day they called them ‘ninja eyes’. You just look, unblinking and unwavering. Well, let me tell you. It might work with dogs – dogs don’t like being stared at anyway – but it won’t work with me. I’ve been on this planet too long and been through too much to be intimidated by a mere cat.
Don’t look at me like that!
I know you’re not a meerkat; I didn’t say meerkat, I said a mere cat. There is a difference, you know. One is a cute, intelligent, gregarious desert-dwelling relative of the mongoose; the other is a small, manipulating, haughty feline with a serious superiority complex.
Will you stop looking at me like that?
You know, don’t you? You know I’m a dog person; that I seriously dislike cats. If they weren’t so scared of you, those two dogs, at least the skinny one, would be over here for a fuss. But he won’t will he? And do you think I don’t know why? Well, let me tell you I do. I know exactly why. That poor dog won’t come to me because to do so he would have to walk past you. And he won’t do that because he knows you’ll take a swipe at him and leave yet another scar on his snout.
And now, I’m here for a week. Come and look after the dogs for us, they said. I was happy to do that. I like dogs, especially those two. I’ve met them, I know them, and they’re great: quiet, well-behaved and, for spoilt dogs, fairly undemanding. They didn’t say anything about a cat, though. I can see why, now. They know that if they’d told me about you, I wouldn’t have come; and they wanted to go on holiday. I don’t mind, really I don’t. They can have as many animals as they want; I can deal with any of them. But why did they have to have a cat? Not just any cat, either, but one that personifies everything I hate about the species: clever, cunning, conniving, controlling balls of evil. No wonder witches chose them as familiars. Well? Anything to say for yourself? Cat got your tongue? Ha ha ha; see what I did there? Cat got your… you being a… oh, never mind. Just leave me alone. At least bloody meow or something. Can’t you see you’re driving me nuts? For God’s sake do something or say something!
Don’t just lay there looking at me.
That’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m going to go into the kitchen whether you like it or not. I want a cup of tea. I need a cup of tea. Dammit, I deserve a cup of tea. If you don’t like it – hard luck. Oh… Suddenly you start purring. What’s that all about?
Can you get me some food while you’re out there?
Did you just say something then? Oh, God! Not just any cat, a talking cat! Either that or I’m losing my mind.
Don’t just stare with that evil smile on your face.
Okay, we’ll do a deal, right? I’ll get your food if you stop casting the evil eye on me. Okay?
Prrrrrrrrrrr prrrrrrrrrrrrr prrrrrrrrrrr
On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at email@example.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.